"More felonies than the president"

By Cody Andrus

I don't have a car. I like the exercise and keeping the planet a bit cleaner. I walk, ride my bike, or Uber when I have to. Along my routes I often talk to a few homeless people, one of whose name is Justin. I was talking to Justin recently, and he said that he can't find work because he has "more felonies than the president."

So we can, for the very first time, welcome that into our vernacular. People have asked me if I was "surprised" by Trump's victory, and I've pondered this question. In hindsight, I feel like I was hoping and counting on Trump to lose, and it would be a much needed fresh start for us all. Liberals are scolding Obama for saying that he couldn't "believe [Trump] won," claiming he must be out of touch. I say lay off the guy. He has the right to say it like the rest of us. Again, only in hindsight was I surprised. Before election night, I talked like everyone else about the tight race which either candidate could win. But deep down we had some hope, didn't we? I think I was secretly counting on some Republicans who'd just had enough of the guy. Do they want their candidate to be a convicted felon, rapist, racist, bigot and liar?

But those Republicans no longer exist. The Romneys and Cheneys have left the building, folks. Americans just re-elected, by any and all standards of measurement, the worst president in our country's history. By far. Remember my friend, Justin, having "more felonies than the president." Standards haven't changed within the Republican party; they've been eliminated.